Pull out a pencil and piece of paper, boys and girls! It has come to my attention that it is necessary to test your ability to distinguish between literal statements and hyperbolic or satirical rhetoric.
1) If I state, “I am going to kill my husband for not taking out the trash”, should you:
a) Call the police
b) Nod in agreement because you’ve been there
2) If you overhear a mother saying to her child, “I have already told you a million times not to do that”, do you:
a) Think it is weird that she would repeat herself THAT many times, as well as impressive that she kept such an accurate and extensive count
b) Assume she has probably repeated herself but, probably, no more than 3-5 times
3) If Joe says he is going to “slap Jane with a lawsuit”, does he mean:
a)he is going to strike Jane with a stack of court papers
b) he is just planning on suing Jane
4) If I say that letting your thong hang out above your pants is “classy”, do you assume that:
a) I have very poor taste in fashion and/or a misinterpretation of the definition of “classy”
b) I am being facetious
If you answered mostly “A”, pretty much everything I write will fly over your head. Do us both a favor and move along. If you answered mostly “B”, CONGRATULATIONS! You have a fully functioning brain!!
Oh, and again, if you are offended by foul language, you are going to fucking hate my posts. 
I seriously think I love you! And even though we’ve never met & never will – I want to say ‘GOOD FOR FUCKIN’ YOU!!’ You so totally fuckin’ rock!
I was sent a link to your blog when you posted “You Didn’t Thank Me For Punching You In The Face” I loved it so much I sent it to my friends and family. I have a daughter and I know I’ve said, “that just means he likes you” to her once… and not to make excuses, but I was told that, and I’m sure my mom was told that. I won’t ever say those words to her – in that context – again. Thank you for opening my eyes – honestly and truly, thank you!!
I’m now an avid follower of your blog and I say “fuck” too! One of my favorite sayings is “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke!”
I think that applies to the haters … which, really – I agree again – if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
I say “fuck em if they can’t take a joke” all. the. time. It is one of my fave phrases!
Is that girl for real? The aggressiveness is what I LOVE about this blog. Holy fuck. If women are expected to be prim and proper in public non-stop, where the hell are we supposed to cut loose?? Some people are just ridiculous, and always want to bitch about something.
You’re fantastic. You and a few others have encouraged me to start blogging again. If you ever stop blogging, I’ll probably cry. It is so refreshing to see ladies, MOTHERS, telling it like it is.
I am a very new follower… This post tells me I will be a long time follower- full of awesome!
Glad to have you!
Thanks for the laugh…unfortunately too many people take themselves (and everything others say) too seriously. Must be a pretty boring life.
c) does not = passive aggression. There is a difference between wit and sarcasm. Sarcasm is the poor man’s version of wit as one person once stated a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….
A) would be a literal interpretation of what you wrote I guess. B) would be an emphatic response?! Something like that. I choose A), B) and C).
Again, you can post what the F you like it is your blog! Enjoyed reading this.
I love reading your blogs! And I love that last picture!! Haha!
BTW, “If you answered mostly “A”, pretty much everything I write will fly over your head.” – whoever answered A to all your questions will most likely not understand that statement either, hehe
Good point!
I have a fully functioning brain!! Surely not? My husband would beg to differ!
Love this! Thanks!
lmfao!
So, I’ve been considering starting a blog for awhile, now. But I can’t think of what exactly I’d like to focus on, or if i need/want one. But I was wondering, or rather, hoping, if you have any advice for a new blogger you’d be willing to share? Also, does your family know you have a blog, or do you keep it anonymous from them as well? What do you reccommend? You are inspirational and mind-opening. Reading your blogs has made me realize how close-minded i’ve been; i thought i was open-minded until i read your posts, and i’m like, “wow. she’s absolutley right.”
I just started this for the love of writing and that it was fun and cathartic. My husband and my mother, sister, cousins, etc are all subscribed to my blog and read every word. I am an open book. My husband has commented on several of my posts. It cracks him up, even if he is the subject. I just write what is on my mind. I don’t blog every day. I just write when the mood or reason gives me cause.
This made me laugh so hard I squirted juice out my nose and onto my silk shirt! I’ll send you the bill.lol Awesome post! Trolls begone!!
Damn! I should have made everyone sign a release! *sigh* Send the bill.
Fuck em all. This your blog. Be free. Write what you want and if they don’t like it, they can kick rocks. You just have became a target cause you spoke your mind as a woman. Keep speaking your mind and umma do the same.
A vagina and a point of view really seems to piss people off.
Bahahaha. I want that on a t-shirt!
Based on your previous posts, it sounds like you got a troll hanging around. Trolls are asshats. You are a motha fucking genius. Love your blog.
Thank you for calling these people asshats! That word needs to make a comeback!
I choose C.) QueenoftheCouch is a dirty whore.
YOU WIN THE GRAND PRIZE!!
My mother thinks I use “fuck” too much in my blog…but she’s 78 yrs old and, well, my mother, so that’s ok.
We have that in common.
So I guess I’m making this place my must read stop of the day…
As usual, you made me laugh. Thanks!
I chose “A” to everything.
I know you too well. You’re just mad because I didn’t give you a perverted option.o
LOVE IT! And totally agree!
so fuck ‘em all, you have sarcasm and wit, something they don’t have. keep on writing the good stuff!
To quote a movie I saw recently “Oh ya, I’m bilingual right.. I speak bitch too.”
Love it as usual,
I love your blog!
I got every answer correct…but I also did not want to wait in line during your “office hours” to hear jarheads argue about your thesis on,
“Creative use of the “F” Bomb and the toll its taking the American Idiot.”
Thank you once again for making the day a whole lot brighter
c
I have to finish that damn project! First, though, I need to finish “Sex and Pregnancy: A Possible Connection?”. I think I have stumbled on to something major.
I love your blog it makes me laugh.
Also – *SIDEBAR* – I totally love the g-string chicks hair – VIVA LA GRANNY PANTIES!
SHE LOST ANOTHER ONE, GEORGE! Oh-thefuck-WELL!
Love you, Mean it.
I’m all hostile and shit. GRRRRRR
;D
There is a third option, between A and B, which I’ll call C for simplicity’s sake. Option C is that you understand sarcasm, but you also understand wit, and you realise that sarcasm is not always equal to wit.
I liked your first post about teaching your daughter that she deserves respect from men, but now your posts seem to have become increasingly aggressive and hostile.
I won’t be checking this blog again. Comment on this if you like, but I won’t be replying.
So option C is really passive-aggression, correct?
You called it! Lol
This little idiot replied to the last post as well. I have no idea why she keeps reading this blog if the language offends her.
This person will be back. They always come back.
Please don’t go! Come back! Come back! This is great stuff!
Do you think they’ll ever come back?
One can dream.
Um, WestSideSingleton? The post about “You didn’t thank me for punching you in the face” was NOT the Queen of the Couch’s “first post.” It was simply a recent one that got a lot of shares because it resonates with a lot of us. She has been bloggin since July 2011.
I saw that post on my FB feed, and immediately started reading the shit out of this blog, because this woman is FABULOUS and HILARIOUS and knows how to write. It’s the “post that made her famous”
You want less aggressive, funny shit? Read her PAST BLOGS. They are GOLD. The recent ones have been aggressive in response to all the asshats out there, and I don’t blame her one bit.
Your blog is awesome!
http://www.greedyjeanious.wordpress.com
Thank you for reading!
Yeah, the Painfully Literal among us cannot ride this ride.
Welcome to internet celebrity.
You should have seen the early days of Divorce Is Expensive Because It’s Worth It (I don’t own that page, I was just a fan). People are unbelievably self-centered.
It’s like the atheists that sign up for the Creationism Facebook Fan Club and complain it doesn’t make sense to believe something just because Jesus said it.
Join me in screaming to high heaven, whether or not you believe in it.
Just delete the morons who are trying to police the world, knowing how much they hate that.
Lol.