RE: FYI (If You’re a Teenage Girl)

THIS BLOG POST was shared by a few people on my Facebook and I felt compelled to respond.

Dear Teenage Slores Girls,

Another Facebook Friday just came and went, in which we, as a family, gather round and stalk teenage girls’ profiles to weed out the harlots bent on tainting the thoughts and hearts of our special snowflake sons. Wow! Your selfie in the PJs, or maybe it was yoga pants and a tank, was shocking. Then one of my special snowflakes pointed out that you were in your bedroom and I lost it. POSTING PICTURES TAKEN IN YOUR BEDROOM?!?! Why don’t you just post a list of your rates in the pic description?! My husband and sons examined the picture pretty thoroughly and, SURVEY SAYS: You aren’t wearing a bra. It’s hard to tell just from looking but if you take the picture, upload it to picmonkey and blow it up 250X, focus the view on your breast area, pinpoint where the nipple should be anatomically, note fullness, shape and drop, THEN, upload another picture from school, any other place you would definitely be wearing a bra, repeat the above steps, compare fullness, shape and drop and BAM! We know immediately, or within a half hour, 45 minutes tops, which of you are using social media to titmatize our son. The caption says, “heading to bed, GN”, so why are you posing in such a way, with your back arched oh-so-slightly, making your buttocks pop up, seeming to say, “hellooo, there”, and your perfect, perky, upturned, breasts protruding forward saying, “haaaaaaaaaay”? Your head is cocked to the side at a 45 degree angle, which really highlights your cheekbones, and your full lips are pushed out into a very sultry pout, like a bad, bad girl who needs a spanking. What? Where was I? Oh, that’s right! When I put on my bedtime bra and PJs, that’s not a position I assume in my bedroom before heading to sleep!

Oh no! Did I just say something about me being in a bedroom? Why? Why, oh why? If any men or boys read that, they are going to picture me in my bedroom and have impure, lustful thoughts. CRAP! I just mentioned me in a bedroom again! I’m just another of Satan’s tools, put here to incite lust into the minds and hearts of pure, pious, good men, leading them into temptation. Please forgive me for any impure thoughts or impulses I may have caused anyone, even though I don’t know that I can forgive myself for leading you from the path of righteousness.

Back to my point, we aren’t saying that you girls are worthless whores. We don’t know you! That would be a ridiculous generalization! We’re just saying that any girl who takes pictures of herself in her bedroom is MOST LIKELY a worthless whore. Do you see the distinction? Point being, and this is a bummer, we are going to have to block you. I’m doing this because I care about my sons and I know, as males, they are incapable of separating their thoughts from their actions and controlling their urges. It is our job as women to avoid acting or dressing in such a way that could cause a man to sin, against themselves or against us. Men are just a slave to their urges. They can’t help it. Boys will be boys, you know. Did you know that once a man sees you in any state of undress that he can’t un-see it? It makes me weep for my husband who has the images of countless young girls and their bare shoulders, and legs, and midriffs, all trapped inside his head to suffer him for an eternity. You, you girls with your camera phones and mirrors and pajamas and come hither looks have put those images there but he is the one who will have to suffer and sacrifice. You don’t want my sons having sexual thoughts about you, do you? I hope not because there is no telling what they may do if you spark their sexual interest. They’re just boys.  You are in control. Not them.

I know that sounds old school but that is just the way it is under this roof. We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass and, in this house, we know that men of integrity view women as objects; almost like an actual person but not worthy of any notable level of respect or dignity. We don’t trust our sons’ judgment in any sense of the word when it comes to the female persuasion. Girls will only cloud and impair their instincts, one selfie at a time, leading them down a wayward path of immorality that they have no ability or recourse to resist.

Here are a few pictures of our sons.  I guess you can tell by the tan and the swimsuits that they were taken at the beach. The one with my husband, where they are all shirtless and flexing is my favorite. Here is another one of one of my sons, wearing only his swim shorts, looking off at the horizon. It is fine for me to post these pictures because girls aren’t actually capable of lust or sexual desire. Our sexuality is just a put on to make men feel good. Pictures of half-dressed boys, striking poses, are just good clean family fun. Boys being boys! It’s not like these pictures are taken in their bedrooms but, even if they were it would be different because boys’ rooms stink like cheese, so it cancels out any “sexy” that could be inferred otherwise.

Girls! If you act now, you may be able to fool some people into thinking that you aren’t a Jezebel temptress. Not me, but some people! I know better. It would be far too difficult to double back and teach my sons that women are people and, as such, are worthy of respect; respect that is not contingent just on their potential future benefit to my sons’ existence. It would be confusing for me to explain to them that modesty and self-respect work both ways and that if you are going to scrutinize girls for sharing pictures that show skin, they should practice what they preach. When it comes to the influence of peers on our sons’ lives, we know that the girls are the paramount threat. It’s the very reason that we only screen and filter out our sons’ female friends. Boys are just boys and are going to do silly stuff and post inappropriate pictures and YouTube videos but, hey! What are ya’ gonna do, ya know? Even when we are going through these girls’ pictures, we will see our sons or their guy friends in these pics, doing the same  thing, flipping the bird, using vulgar language, or drinking but we know that they can’t help themselves. It’s the testosterone.

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t respect nor trust my sons, or men in general. For that matter, I don’t trust females either. I think that men are mindless slaves to their genitals, incapable of compassion, or reasoned decision-making. I think, and pass on to my sons, that if they falter, it is partly their fault, but mostly the fault of women (or a woman), guilty of infecting them with lust. I am teaching them to not trust their own instincts or emotions, in the way that I distrust them, because even if they think they’re thinking with their heart, they can rest assured that it is their penis, unless told otherwise. I want them to see women as objects, save their future wives, of whom I’ve set an almost impossible standard of beauty, piety, and influence over my sons’ happiness, satisfaction and overall quality of life that will only be achieved through a relationship with this one, special, specific person, that meets said criteria.

You’re really beautiful but I don’t see a bra strap in that picture.

I’m not saying you’re a slut, I’m just saying you look slutty.

Sorry I’m not sorry.

Queen of the Couch

153 thoughts on “RE: FYI (If You’re a Teenage Girl)

  1. I love witty, intelligent sarcasm. It’s rare. I’ve been giggling all through the post and even more so on your responses to comments! Thank you for the free laughs!!! I always wear a bra in public, I’m self conscious that way, but as I’m “aging” I am beginning to get annoyed with the expectation that women MUST wear a bra. Really? Studies show (now) that bras are more damaging than helpful. Hmmm. Maybe Mrs. Hall and many others ought to read up on these findings.

  2. Thank you. Thank you, thank you! The original post was shared by a number of my Facebook friends and as a mother of 3 daughters I found it so offensive. I thought I was the only one and your response is spot on. Have I said thank you for so articulately voicing what I could not?

  3. If I have daughters I will teach them to respect themselves and others and I will NEVER EVER shame their sexuality and make them feel like it’s a bad thing… If I have boys, I will also teach them to respect themselves and women. I will also teach them that you cannot control what others do, only how you respond. Don’t police others, police yourself. That woman is batshit crazy.

      • Have I told you lately that I love you? Laughed SO HARD after reading this (a welcome change from being fully disgusted and aghast at the judgmental slut-shaming piety of the original blog post that you did such a fabulous job of lampooning) – you nailed my thoughts exactly and obviously those of many others. Way to go girl. Love from SYD. xoxo

        • Thank GAWD, Becca! I’m relieved to know that some of my real life friends took away the same message I did when they read that shit! I couldn’t believe how many people were sharing it in support and agreement! Especially my friends with daughters, all “RIGHT ON!” and “I am saving this to show my daughter(s)”. I need to compile a small pamphlet of blogs like this and distribute, with a survey to complete after reading, so I can know where to file people in my life. LOL

  4. THANK YOU for speaking for the REASONABLY SANE PARENTS IN THIS WORLD. My kids and I laughed until we cried!!!
    THIS IS MY REPLY TO THE ORIGINAL “mother” that was snooping and judging our young females.:

    After reading your blog entry and consulting with my daughter, it seems your boys have a lot more to do with the “specialization” of women than you think. Have you seen the video of YOUR TWO PRECIOUS innocent little fawns DRY HUMPING THE AIR and making sexually suggestive motions with your family salt shaker? Since YOU posted it, I am assuming you have previewed it. IM SORRY to hear that your sons have forever damaged their own reputation!!! Unfortunately, we cannot “unsee” those nasty gyrations coming from YOUR PRE-TEEN’s privates!!!PLS DO WHAT YOU CAN TO REMOVE ALL EVIDENCE OF YOUR COMPLETE IGNORANCE. Your boys have tainted my daughter.

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  6. I think you are effing crazy lady!!! I have to wonder if at some time in your life some male made like you did not deserve his respect….made you feel like all the bad things he did to you was your fault……You do realize it is never to late to ask for help….try some therapy……stand up for yourself

    • Very eye-opening. I am esp offended by the Hall’s child (pre-teen) in his rendition of a successful “air-hump”. I pray it wasn’t one of my own little Jezebel’s that induced the “salt-shaker masturbation”!!! POOR, poor Mrs. Hall!!!

  7. Pingback: Notable News: Week of August 31-September 6, 2013 | unchained faith

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  9. I am amazed to see the negative responses to your post, but I guess I shouldn’t be after seeing the positive responses to the original post. It’s also interesting to see that she changed out the photos of her boys and husband scantily clad after numerous people pointed it out to her. Makes me wonder if she truly is that ignorant of her own hypocrisy. Even then, what if some poor man has a thing for older women in poofy coats?! She is going to unwittingly tempt that poor male!

    Either way, I think your response was dead-on perfect.

  10. Pingback: The “FYI: If You’re A Teenage Girl” Debate. | johanna bayne

  11. Love this. Followed the unite women link share, and this is the best response I’ve read….now I’m reading all your stuff and loving it all too!

  12. Thank you, thank you for this brilliant bit! After reading the original post, I was too enraged (and frankly a little terrified that grown people think and act this way and don’t realized it is seriously effed up) to be able to even put a sentence together. “If you are a friend of the Hall boys, you’re a friend of the entire Hall family…” Umm, if you are a friend of the Hall boys, RUN!!!! RUN FOR YOUR EFFING LIIIIIIFE!!! This woman is raising three boys to become raging class-A, misogynistic douchebags. And I love that her equally self-righteous church friends are just patting themselves on the back for this incredible B.S.

    But most importantly, thank you for writing the perfect response I could not :)

    • yes. be a friend of one of the Hall boy and a girl will earn a right to be judged by a whole Hall household, including a mother who uses kind words and conciliatory tone to put down and insult (a lot of) girls. Isn’t that scary? I am scared even i put no selfish (sexy or not sexy) in fb.

    • Well, THANK YOU! Are you in some sort of official position, or do you just consider yourself a connoisseur of stupid? I’m just asking because I need to know if this comes with some sort of certificate or award. Do you keep some sort of list of all the runner ups? I just like to keep my resume updated and these kinds of bullet points always get you a leg up on the competition.

      • Girl on the couch- If you’re allowed to give your opinion so easily of others, you shouldn’t be shocked that that others can and will do the same towards you (especially since you’re such an easy target!) Why all the sarcasm? What exactly are you hiding from or trying to cover up? Got a few insecurities in there? Hmmm? You blog or whatever you call this trash is so annoying- and that’s putting it nicely. I wish you the best, you’re going to need it.

        • Oh, no. You have found me out. The jig is up. My head is hung in shame. My sarcasm is my mask. I guess it is time to come clean. My daddy didn’t hug me enough as a child, so I eventually found myself at that crossroads that every girl with daddy issues finds herself at, at one point or another. Do I focus on working a pole or sarcasm? My twerk was a disaster, so I threw in the towel and focused on sarcasm. WHY, DADDY? SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!?!? YOU MADE ME A MONSTER!!

          Oh, just FYI: This IS called a “blog”. Good job! I’m guessing you must be new to the interwebz (and let me welcome you: WELCOME) and unfamiliar with these terms. Yeah, so, you may come across a lot of sites similar to this, in which different people tell stories about themselves or others, or talk about products and jobs, etc. It’s a pretty big thing on the world wide webz. You may like some and you may hate some sites you come across. Now, if your internetz are anything like mine, when and if you don’t like something that you see or read, you can just close out that window and never have to look at it or worry about it again.

          Thank you for your well wishes. I hope you have a wonderful day, as well!

          • I too discovered this blog after wasting a few minutes of my life reading that ignorant woman’s blog entry about her impressionable boys. I may never get those precious few minutes back…. but you have made up for it. I loved this. I’ve never understood why people respond to a blog post negatively and are shocked when the blogger isn’t so tore up they delete their blog and go into a deep depression. It kills me how people think you really care about the negative opinions of someone you’ve never met (and more than likely never will meet). What I want to say is I really like your blog. I too am unapologetically sarcastic. It keeps me from killing stupid people. Keep up the good work

          • LOL! THANK YOU! That so many people think that I would be even mildly bothered by their disdain, honestly, cracks me up. Like you said, perfect strangers, but they want to let me know that they hate me, hate my writing, hate my blog, hate my opinions, and that I’m a horrible mother with, probably, equally as horrible children. Which is supposed to send me over the edge or something? The funniest part is that they take the time to write the comment rather than just close the browser window. It makes me facepalm a lot!

        • i would have thought sarcasm is a (very powerful) way to communicate. There is no logic to say it implies the writer has something to hide.

    • Ben, Let me help you out here…
      “This is probABLY the stupIDEST thing I’VE ever read……….and that’s saying somETHING….”

      If you are going to call someone or something stupid, PLEASE use proper spelling, punctuation and grammar! Even if someone else has to edit it for you before you post, because it really just turns the “stupid arrow” right back around!

  13. I was having difficulty articulating why the original communication from the “Hall family on-line island” left such a bad taste in my mouth…but this piece of magnificence captures it all, and then some! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  14. thank you. exactly what i was thinking while reading it, but there were already so many responses on her blog that i didn’t bother to repeat.

  15. Um, why did you spend SO much time and effort trying to figure out the bra thing? I think that says much about you – you might need to experience some liberation.

  16. Once in college a friend’s boyfriend looked at me and said, “I just have to ask, are you wearing a bra?” I was horrified – not because he noticed and shamed me (I wasn’t shamed OR wearing a bra), but because he felt that was actually an okay question to ask someone. I felt creeped out beyond belief, and like telling him to keep his eyes on my face or his girlfriend’s body. But because of my personality, I didn’t say anything, and just walked away.

    These boys’ mother did the female version of the same thing. 1) There is nothing slutty about not wearing a bra. They are damned uncomfortable, and as long as you aren’t violating indecency laws by showing nips, it is no body’s business what you wear under your clothes. And 2) YOU have the control over where your eyes are, not me. Where you look and what conclusions you draw from them are on YOU, not me. (Metaphorical you, the mother and her boys and that boyfriend, not like, anyone here personally.)

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  18. Wow! This is really sad :( I guess whoever wrote this is a young girl because anyone over the age of 25 didnt grow up in a society that allows their baby girls to dress & act like little sex goddess divas. We were raised to have self respect & common sense, which apparently flew out the window with this generation. I’m wondering if these girls parents actually know what their little girls are doing? If so, they will be so proud when their little girl is the star of 15 & pregnant because that takes brains! So you’re saying it’s ok for little girls to be posting crap like that for the world to see? Hmmm…you must have had a great parental influence! All the pictures of little girls in low cut shirts with their “almost” boobs hanging out & tiny shorts that basically cover as much as a bathing suit, & pictures with their 12, 13, 14, & 15 year old pierced belly buttons hanging out, are so awesome to see! It definitely shows signs of self respect & values! No failed parenting there! You can almost bet that they’ll be successful & running a company or a household when their grown, right? I must have missed it when the woman who wrote the original post said anything about girls in their bathing suits at the beach? That’s completely understandable to bash her family beach photos when her post was about little girls posing sexy in their pajamas, in their bedroom, with no bra on! Makes perfect sense! God forbid that woman want her boys to stay away from future strippers & welfare recipients. Please do all of us, who have values, a favor & don’t reproduce!

    • All the little sluts of the world, hell bent on robbing the innocent males of their virtues, piss me off too! Men can only think with their penises! It’s out of their control! It is the job of parents, NAY! SOCIETY, to make sure that all girls know, from a young age, that they are responsible for controlling the thoughts and actions of boys. If you aren’t a slut, boys won’t have sexual thoughts about you. If boys have a sexual thought about you, you must be a slut. Fix it or burn in hell with all the other sluts.

      As far as reproduction habits? Too late! I have four children, a girl and 3 boys. I teach my sons and my daughter personal responsibility AND self respect. It’s weird how people treat those lessons as if they are mutually exclusive.

    • I’m 20 and have self-respect and common sense. Enough common sense, in fact, to know that it’s not a girl’s/woman’s job to control how boys/men think. And why is the fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra so important?!

        • I realize that neckties are a pale, distant second to bras, but can you make them illegal while you’re at it? That would be spiffy. I’ll even sign a petition or something if it would help.

          • Hmmmm, I don’t know. After a few drinks, I think neck ties make pretty kickass head bands and really help me with my stage presence when I sing karaoke or when I’m practicing my sweet moves. I’m going to HAVE to put a disclaimer in there or change the name or something. I’ll have to drink on this one.

    • Heidi, yes indeed many of these girls in these SCANDALOUS photos depicting typical teenage phases WILL, in fact, become businesswomen, lawyers, doctors and more. Sorry, adolescent interest in belly piercings or – GASP – sexuality is not indicative of future success or failure as a grown up.
      Teenage sexuality is NOT a parenting failure; it is a natural occurrence. However, if a girl was to believe that her sexuality was the ONLY valuable thing about her, yes. That would be a parenting fail.
      And lastly, the liberal, open-minded mothers that you seem to despise so dearly are the same ones who would likely take an active role in preventing pregnancy by educating their daughters about safe sex and putting them on birth control as well as instilling in them a sense of control and confidence in relation to their sexuality, while your method of “don’t take sexy pictures of yourself, you future whore” parenting is far more likely to advocate a degradation of self-confidence in your child’s ability to make her own decisions (since you don’t trust her, she can’t trust herself) which will then make her self esteem flounder which will, in turn, make her far more likely to be pressured into sex (and if she’s pressured into it, I’m guessing condoms are out the window) which will then result in her teen pregnancy.
      By the way, I also have a big problem with your problem with strippers. I mean, you are hitting the jackpot with all the misogyny, woman.

      Sincerely,
      The Happy Hooker

  19. Pingback: FYI: (bras are not the protectors of virtue, among other things) | gratuitous double dash

  20. Great rebuttal! I’m entertaining myself reading all the rebuttals I can find, because it makes me happy. :) After I got my anger out by writing my own response yesterday, I’ve been extremely heartened by the sheer numbers of people taking the time to respond from the viewpoint of faith or from without. Makes me think think of the Latin phrase “memento mori.” Maybe in a generation or so the culture makers will have moved us to a place where sexism, harassment, and double standards are past tense.

  21. Pingback: Dear Mrs. Hall | Meizac

  22. This is the most judgmental, ridiculous blog I have ever read. If your precious sons don’t have the intelligence to decipher for themselves slutty girls vs good girls, they need some better guidance. Are you going to go through their Facebook accounts when they’re in college too and try to save them from sluts? Get a life and give your sons an opportunity to be responsible young gentleman and think for themselves.

  23. Lol.. I’m so glad that I am not the only one who found the original post hypocritical, bizarre, condescending, and SUPER offensive. :) Thanks for this post, it made me laugh and I will take that with me through my whole day.

    • Ya know… forgive me if it took me until Mid yesterday for my brain to get around who wrote what and how this all came together. At first I thought someone else wrote the post here on our blog… I didn’t see the direction to the original post…. and then after my head nearly exploded when I saw the original post and those pictures I had to take the day to learn to breathe on my own again. Delete my first comment. Her sons hopefully will get the “right” message. Still have to work on my lungs… /gasp/

  24. THANK YOU. Thank you thank you thank you. I & my friends were all “hulksmash!” earlier today, and you’ve calmed us down. Good people exist – good people who aren’t shaming young girls.

  25. Reblogged this on Not Another F*cking Mom Blog?! and commented:
    today was a long day and i was feeling super uninspired but I happened to read this and I just had to reblog it! Absolutely poignant with a whole lot of spitfire I’ve come to love from one of my favorite blogs, Views From The Couch

  26. Pure brilliance. You nailed it! I read the original post earlier and was so disgusted by the double standard. This post by you is articulating every single thought I had. Thank you for writing this!

  27. Looks like she took it down. Must have been causing some problems, all that talk about being stimulated by him hanging out shirtless. Ha!

  28. Oh, bravo bravo bravo!!! I’m so glad someone is standing up against the temptresses.

    But sister, you should know that the scantily clad outline of a voluptuous female that graces the border of your blog is tempting me to sin. You should change your whole blog design so as not to tempt me to sin.

  29. great response. I feel sorry for her DIL’s and her sons. What made her think that putting half naked photos of her sons up there wouldn’t be seen as hypocritical? I shake my head at people sometimes.

  30. Bravo.. I was really outraged when I read the FYI post earlier today and began to think about my students. All girls. They get all these messages about their bodies and being responisble for how others view them. Thank you for this.

  31. I love it. I hope to raise my children to be people who view all those around them as human beings rather than sex objects, recognize the need to exercise self-control, and are not major hypocrites. I think this will be a far better use of family time than engaging in family cyberstalking sessions in which we creep on teenage girls and fixate on their boobs in an effort to determine whether or not they are wearing bras.

  32. thank you for this, I really love it! I read the post from Mrs Hall last night, and while part of me liked parts of the letter, something felt creepy and I couldn’t figure out what it was. I’ve successfully raised 3 daughters and while I hate the “duck lips” pics more than most, I’m pretty sure none of them have done any truly sleazy or nude pics online and they all turned out to be wonderful, intelligent, happy, and healthy feminists. So from that perspective, Mrs Hall’s post was a bit over the top, but I agreed with some of her commenters about the double standard she was waving as she put up the pics of her shirtless boys on the same letter where she scolded the girls for being scantily clad in their pics. Now I’ve found your response and you pegged it! Thanks for helping me identify what was “wrong” with her letter to the young girls. Rock on sister!

    • Heheh, the thought of “duck lips” tempting anybody toward impure thoughts just makes me chuckle. Gotta be one of the least alluring facial expressions I’ve ever seen.

  33. This is pure awesomeness. After watching my friends post Mrs. Hall post in praise, I couldn’t help but point out the problematic and hypocritical nature of her blog post. Then another friend shared your post…and all is right in the world. lol

  34. As a Christian, I’m saddened and appalled that rather than teaching your sons to respect all women, as Christ did, you are teaching them that most women are not deserving of respect unless they adhere to very rigid rules – such as not flirting. Meanwhile, Jesus respected all women, including prostitutes. It seems your sons are being raised to treat prostitutes like trash, since they can’t even respect innocent teenage girls who are only flirting, which means they are not being led to follow Christ.

    Poor parenting, and a poor understanding of God’s grace. I would not raise my sons to be pharisees.

  35. Thank you for reminding those who may be ignorant that slutshaming is still alive and well. I feel so sorry for Mrs. Hall’s future DILs, and any potential granddaughters. What a nightmare. But what a gift this post is. Again, I thank you.

  36. Good rebuttal. It is truly scary that girls simply can not be comfortable with their own bodies without folks saying they are being sluts. I mean, those boys showed their tits!

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