Todd Akin, a certified fuckwit, made a statement this past week, giving his thoughts on “legitimate rape”. Apparently, mother nature knew all too well that we women were going to be reckless and irresponsible and end up getting ourselves raped so, in her infinite wisdom, enabled our bodies to make the distinction between “legitimate rape” and “buyers remorse”, the former which would cause our reproductive functions to shut down to prevent pregnancy from resulting from such an event.

Sure, he has since back pedaled but, at least for me, there is no coming back from that bullshit. It is indefensible. It got me thinking, though, about how prevalent this thought process is throughout society. Not this exact line of thought but just the victim blame mentality that colors public opinion. In regards to rape cases reported in the media, men and women alike will often refer to or inquire about the victim’s clothing, sexual past, whether she was drinking, etc. Female victims, even homosexual male victims, are considered by society to be, at least, partially culpable for the assault against them.

As I’m brainstorming through thoughts for this post, I checked my email and found this piece of trash. Though, I can’t count how many times I have been emailed this over the years, it never fails to annoy me but I felt like this was some sort of “sign” urging me to respond.

It is forwarded on by well-intentioned friends and family that want to tell their friend, mother, sister, what steps to take to avoid being raped. I just don’t know why, of all the other women that send this my way, I am the only woman asking why I am being sent tips to avoid rape when, strangely enough, my husband, father, brothers or any male friends are not being sent tips to not rape women. I’m just sayin’…

HERE IS THE OFFENDING EMAIL THAT HAS BEEN FORWARDED AROUND THE INTERWEBZ FOR AS LONG AS IT HAS EXISTED, PRETTY MUCH:

This is important information for females of ALL ages . Guys – please
forward to the female members of your family and all your female
friends and associates.

When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends.
I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My male friends
have female friends and this information is too important to miss
someone. Please pass it along.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what
they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting
facts :

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid
or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely
to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not
common targets.

Ask around. Only women with sexy, come-hither, long hair get raped. Next time you go to the salon, tell the stylist you want to chop your ‘rapist bait’ locks off. It’s for your protection. Obviously, short hair=lesbian=butch and everyone knows that lesbians and women with a “butch” look never get raped. Oh, wait…

2) The second thing men look for is clothing . They will look for
women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly . Many of them carry
scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

Scissor proof clothing? What the fuck are women supposed to wear? Chain metal? Glass? I mean, I’ve checked my clothing tags and they all say “flame retardant” but none of them, as far as I can tell, are scissor proof. Should I start shopping for Kevlar pants and tops?

3) They also look for women on their cell phone , searching through
their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are
off guard and can be easily overpowered.

Obviously, it would be ridiculous for men to receive an email advising them to avoid using a woman’s ponytail to initiate a rape or to, I don’t know, leave their scissors at home if they have any inclination to utilize them as rape barrier removal. No, ladies, it is we that must be ever vigilant if rape is to be avoided!

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between
5: 00am. and 8: 30a.m.

Let your boss know that coming in prior to 9AM puts you in harm’s way.  If he/she won’t recognize the physical danger and you don’t have a big strong man who won’t rape you to escort you, quit. What choice do you have?

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery
store parking lots . Number two is office parking lots/garages .
Number three is public restrooms .

The obvious answer is to have a man, one who isn’t all rapey, to accompany you on any and every outing and errand. If you must leave your house, unaccompanied and in possession of a vagina, make sure to avoid shopping, parking, jobs, medical appointment or, really, any appointment. Wear Depends. Otherwise, you risk being raped.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman
and quickly move her to another location where they don’t have to
worry about getting caught.

If you have short hair, no job and a strong bladder, you make it really hard for a rapist to transport you to a good, rapey, spot.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year
sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

Rapists, as you can see, are very conscientious of consequences. They’ve thought this shit through. When you are making life choices, you have to really weigh all of your options. This shows that 98% of rapists have their sites set on a future and don’t want to fuck that up by using weapons when they rape. What’s the point? We provide the ponytails and I guess scissors aren’t considered weapons if they are only used on one’s cut away clothing. A smart rapist won’t take any risk heavier than 3-5 years. Let this put your mind at ease, ladies. They don’t want to hurt you, just rape you a little.

8) If you put up any kind of fight at all, they get discouraged
because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going
after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

One thing that always sticks out to me when I read a story about a woman being raped is how they all just let it happen to them. There is never a fight. These women feel a tug on their ponytail and they just lay on the ground and cooperate, showing the rapist how to cut along the seams to allow her to easier repair the outfit later. If they just protested a bit, they would have been fine. You never hear about rape victims who yelled, screamed, struggled, said “no” or who were restrained or beaten. No. That just doesn’t happen. /sarcasm

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or
other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their
hands.  Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close
to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince
these guys you’re not worth it.

You got that, ladies? If you choose to ignore the advice about never leaving home with a vagina, you have a job to do and that is to convince the rapists of the world that you are not worth raping. Cut your hair off, wear Kevlar, some brass knuckles, a few rape whistles, make an air horn necklace, carry an umbrella or a golf club, some mace and wear running shoes. If a man comes within 2 feet of you, scream “RAPE”. Women who do all of this, rarely get raped.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is
following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an
elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question,
like what time is it, or make general small talk: “I can’t believe it
is so cold out here”, “we’re in for a bad winter.” Now you’ve seen
their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a
target.

If  you want to be absolutely sure that they are considering the full scope of potential repercussions, look him in the face and say, as nonchalantly as possible, “I could totally describe you to a sketch artist and identify you in a line up. Isn’t that funny?”

Remember! Women are NEVER raped by men that they know. Oh, wait…

11) If someone is coming toward you , hold out your hands in front of
you and yell STOP or STAY BACK ! Most of the rapists this man talked
to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she
would not be afraid to fight back . Again, they are looking for an
EASY target.

Yeah! Don’t do what the typical rape victim does and just hit the ground and remove your pants when a man approaches you. If these women would have given the “STOP” hand signal and told their rapist to STAY BACK or STOP or NO beforehand, it all would have been different. Take no chances, ladies. It may look like the guy is just walking in the opposite direction and passing you on the sidewalk, in the store or at the office but, for your own protection, you mustn’t take any chances. Put up your hands, put up your dukes, scream at them, kick them or punch them as they pass. If you let yourself be seen as a victim, you have no one to blame but yourself.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of
it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY
and holding it out will be a deterrent.

This advice also works for those carrying guns. I suggest you spray or shoot first and ask questions later.

13) If someone grabs you , you can’t beat them with strength but you
can by outsmarting them . If you are grabbed around the waist from
behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm (between the elbow and
armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD . One woman in a
class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy
who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the
skin and tore out muscle strands – the guy needed stitches.  Try
pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it
hurts.

Ladies, even though some of the previous tips implied that kicking and hitting are valid deterrents against would-be rapists, you may be waging an uphill battle if you try to employ attempts at responding to or reciprocating with physical violence to thwart an attack. Instead, use your brain and OUTWIT your aggressor. You may think that this would suggest trickery like pointing outward and yelling, “Look! Someone dropped some scissors!” or asking who they are voting for in the next election so that when they answer they will suddenly realize that you are capable of identifying them in a line up and will retreat. If you really want to mind fuck someone intent on rape, say, “Oh my gawd! You have a tick on your arm (or leg), let me get it for you”. They will, of course, appreciatively oblige by backing off enough to permit you to remove the foreign body from their person. If rapists have the foresight to forgo the use of weapons because of the potential long-term legal consequences, it stands to reason they would be equally wary of other risks, like Lyme Disease. Then, with all of the index finger and thumb strength you can muster, PINCH! It’s foolproof!

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN . I know from a
particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it
is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and
make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our
instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

So far we’ve learned that the typical rapist will avoid women with short hair, screamers, umbrella carriers, conversationalists, kickers and pinchers but if you want them to know you’re serious about not wanting to be raped, you are going to have to make some real trouble by doing any and all of the above and making sure you get lined up for a clear shot to his punching bags.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you , grab his first two fingers
and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing
down on them as possible . The instructor did it to me without using
much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked
audibly.

Unless you are female body builder or eligible for the WNBA, I assume this advice is directed at those being attacked by a small child or a jockey.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware
of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see
any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!   You
may feel a little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the
guy really was trouble.

The moral of the story, ladies, is rape wouldn’t be happening if women would just avoid going out in public sans an escort or weapon, quit having jobs, shopping or walking around in public and start telling every man within yelling distance, “DON’T RAPE ME!” and macing those that don’t change their course. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I’ve asked around and, as it turns out, there is no similar list being distributed to men. I thought I would make one:

1) If you see a woman walking down the street with a ponytail or with short hair or bald, don’t rape her.

2) Scissors have many uses but if you consider cutting off a woman’s clothes to sexually assault her to be amongst the valid uses of scissors, please seek professional help immediately.

3) If you see a woman is distracted, whether by her phone or searching through her purse, don’t rape her.

4) Regardless of what time of day it is, don’t rape.

5) If you see a woman walking alone in public, at a grocery store, in a parking lot or a garage, don’t rape her.

6)  The penis is a weapon in a rape. Don’t use guns, knives or your penis to hurt another person. If you don’t rape anyone, you don’t have to worry about going to prison for rape.

7) It doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing, you are not entitled to sex with her.

8) Unless a person outright asks you to have sex with them, you don’t get to assume that they are “asking for it” by their wardrobe, dance style or sexual history. 

9) If you hear the word “no”, stop what you are doing. Just stop. Don’t assume the person really means “yes” or they are playing “hard to get”. For your sake and theirs, err on the side of caution, take the command seriously and stop. Even if everything up to that point was consensual, everyone reserves the right to set boundaries and withdraw their consent at any point. If you decide that they are going to “finish what they started” in spite of their protests, that is rape.

10) If someone you are attempting to have sex with punches you, kicks you, screams, hits or jabs you with an umbrella, maces you, pinches you or kicks you in the balls, trying to escape, you might be a rapist.

11) Don’t grab anyone from behind, from the waist, by the ponytail or use any other tactic to subdue them and rape them.

12) Being drunk doesn’t always mean “DTF”. The same goes for someone on drugs, that has been drugged or that is almost or completely passed out.

13) Don’t rape.

I’m ready for the day that, instead of “DON’T GET RAPED”, society will change the message to “DON’T RAPE”.