Pull out a pencil and piece of paper, boys and girls! It has come to my attention that it is necessary to test your ability to distinguish between literal statements and hyperbolic or satirical rhetoric.

1) If I state, “I am going to kill my husband for not taking out the trash”, should you:

a) Call the police

b) Nod in agreement because you’ve been there

2) If you overhear a mother saying to her child, “I have already told you a million times not to do that”, do you:

a) Think it is weird that she would repeat herself THAT many times, as well as impressive that she kept such an accurate and extensive count

b) Assume she has probably repeated herself but, probably, no more than 3-5 times

3) If Joe says he is going to “slap Jane with a lawsuit”, does he mean:

a)he is going to strike Jane with a stack of court papers

b) he is just planning on suing Jane

4) If I say that letting your thong hang out above your pants is “classy”, do you assume that:

  a) I have very poor taste in fashion and/or a misinterpretation of the definition of “classy”

b) I am being facetious

If you answered mostly “A”, pretty much everything I write will fly over your head. Do us both a favor and move along.  If you answered mostly “B”, CONGRATULATIONS! You have a fully functioning brain!!

Oh, and again, if you are offended by foul language, you are going to fucking hate my posts.