Sandwiches | Views from the Couch

I have been taken to task in the comments section of some of my recent posts. Here are a few of the things that I have learned, so far, from authoring a blog:

A large portion of the population have no concept of sarcasm, satire or hyperbole and will take any statement employing these literary devices as completely literal.
Since I have a vagina, I am expected to act like a lady and ladies do NOT, under any circumstances, use words like “fuck”. That makes one “un-ladylike”. Being called “un-ladylike” is interchangeable with terms like “dyke”, “cunt”, “whore”, etc. (I need to remember to add those titles to my resume!)
Making a wish of a violent end to someone or a direct death threat is a perfectly rational response to a blog post you dislike or disagree with.
Despite the fact that this is MY blog, that I own and I pay for, I am expected to conform to the standards dictated by the polite police and the “Act Like a Lady or You’re Gunna Die” foundation members that found their way to my blog. Those guys are neat-o.
I shouldn’t be blogging, since it take time away from me being in my kitchen and making sandwiches. From what I gathered from a lot of the responses, making sandwiches should be taking up the majority of my day. I’m not that big of a sandwich eater, nor are the kids—I mean, we like to eat *A* sandwich here and there but it seems like making sandwiches all day, every day would just be wasteful, really.
Children should NEVER be picked up from school, for any reason. Not making children walk home in inclement weather is the end of civilization and the very reason that the entire world hate us. It has nothing to do with our foreign policy. Now I want to know which presidential candidate is going to address this glaring issue?
If people don’t like a blog, you would think that the logical answer would be that said people just close the tab in their browser window and move on with their lives. Well, you would be mistaken. Evidently, the expected solution is that the blog be shut down by the author or the interwebz police. If you can’t make everyone happy, the shit must be stopped!